We Built the Music App That Can't Hold Our Notes Hostage
Grievance no. 004 — every app we ever trusted with our listening notes died, got acquired, or put our own opinions behind a paywall. Filed as RESOLVED, because this time we built it ourselves.
The Visualizer Died With iTunes. We Performed the Resurrection.
Grievance no. 005 — the music visualizer peaked twenty years ago and has been a microphone party trick ever since. Filed as RESOLVED, with 634 routines and hand-written assembly in evidence.
Then We Are Decided
Filed as a commendation, not a grievance. I'm religiously challenged and my favorite number in Jesus Christ Superstar is two officials in a room deciding a man is a scheduling problem.
Hold Music: A Track-by-Track Review of the Album Nobody Asked For
Grievance no. 002 — we reviewed 47 minutes of customer-service hold music like the double LP it thinks it is. The surprise ending is bold.
Self-Checkout Is a Job and I Want Back Pay
Grievance no. 001 — they made us the cashier, the bagger, and the prime suspect, and paid us in a robot voice. Invoice enclosed.
My Toaster Wants a Firmware Update and I Want a Divorce
Grievance no. 003 — a machine with one job now demands wifi, an account, and a 2 a.m. update before it will consider bread. We want out.